Only on Tumblr could you find advice on being buried alive in the same post as advice on cereal dust.
some of these might actually be helpful but please do not put your fruit in the dishwasher everyone will be pissed off please
The Baja blast one goes hard
Also please do not ask for unsalted fries if you’re at a drive-thru. It will take longer time, the ones behind you could get pissed off, and the person making your french fries could get in trouble for making others wait that long.
who forgets if they shampooed
the buried alive one is pretty good. But also, if I might add:
If buried in a coffin, first thing you should do is NOT PANIC. Remember, conserve oxygen. That also means no matches or lighters, you’ll just run out of air faster.
Next: Check for a phone. You never know, maybe you’ve got a cell phone in your pocket. It can’t hurt to try.
Now, feel what you are in. If it’s a wood coffin, you’re in luck. Usually, wood coffins are rather cheap and you can get out. Do the shirt thing. Pull it over your head like you’re taking it off inside-out, then tie the top while the neck-hole is still around your neck. Now find the coffin’s weak spot. Should be towards the center, where the weight of dirt is causing it to bend toward you slightly. Move as far to the top of the coffin as possible, and kick that. Still, watch your breathing. Kick it a few good times and it should break. Then make the opening as big as possible. Dirt will be coming in, so watch out. But if you can get into the dirt, just stand up. Six feet under, if you can stand all the way up straight with your arms over your head, you should be able to reach the surface. Just keep stepping higher and higher, pushing dirt under your feet.
I looked this up because I’m a writer, not a coffin-escaper.